I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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