I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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