My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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