Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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