i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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