that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Still dying that you shit outside
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
