so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shame - the story of my life.
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