I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
