this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
