i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
