so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
