9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
