we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
