don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
