I met the friendliest cop last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
