Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
