I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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