my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
