apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
