i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
