first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize