my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize