i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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