his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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