i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
