Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
