my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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