Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
