he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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