First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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