very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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