you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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