i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
