well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
