So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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