I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
