Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
