just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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