I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
