bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
