I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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