If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
