return my video game
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
