is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
