i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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