I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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