i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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