If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Never joke about your clitoris.
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