I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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