..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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