Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
