There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
