I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
