You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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