if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
