i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
