Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
