speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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