I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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