Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
