you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
