my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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