That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
