Me. At least after what I've been through.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
