She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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