He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
