Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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