I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
