Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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