home. puking in laundry basket.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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