Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
