so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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