Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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