I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
