So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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