Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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