May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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