you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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