Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
