I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
