Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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