The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
