That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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