yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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