We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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