um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
