my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
