I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have tasted many bathrooms
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize