I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
