So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
